Most swear my only focus is an A on my transcript, and music.
Honestly, women -- have truly been a distraction that I gladly welcome. Let's start from the beginning. All women's name will be initials of nicknames of actual names.
2006, year of graduation. Prom, senior trip, tassel and mortarboard. Also, the year that TW & AT piqued my curiosity in women. One, I regret messing with on that level because at that age, 17, I truly needed to get a nut off that I wasn't getting in before. I was truly - TRULY a virgin and hadn't a relationship prior to '06. AT all I got was a kiss from her that confirmed my gayness -- and why I had zilch interest in the male species. TW wasn't the greatest at all... just hardcore making out -- and letters saying what I would do to her if given the chance but growing up with both our parents being pastors... wasn't gonna let that happen.
Queue Summer 2006, I'm in the Pre-College Institute for Rowan University students. Girls, were --- eh. Truly had no interest there either. Until the actual Fall semester came around ... first day of school I walk around with friends and run into the suitemate of my friend. Honestly, I was lifted and was more interested in the cheetos I was eating than my first sexual conquest. However, as all things go -- a sleepover turned into fucking, and my libido has been forever kickstarted with DF.
Spring of 2007 was no better, a girl that was a senior in high school while I was a sophomore, felt the need to tell me that she was interested in me but wanted to wait until I was legal; we'll call her CD, surprisingly -- she like I was more interested in sex -- than anything. It was a fling; a true rebound with both of trying to show our exes that we were done. I knew I was, she wasn't.
Again, I met another female, this one intent on getting to finally meet me, I agreed. I didn't hit until about three weeks later, and 3 blunts in. Honestly, I had no liking for her at all. One night with CW in my room one late night, and my roommate switched rooms leaving me with a single double.
It didn't stop there, my sexual obsession even carried itself into the United States Army, while at Basic Combat Training, I met several females. I mean who wouldn't I lived in a bay with the same people for 70 days. However, sex wasn't hard to come by. Forgive the pun. One girl down, and the next week fucking the other... I truly didn't want those girls -- yet they wanted to tell me bye before I went home. AI, KT, thanks!
I got discharged, thankfully not on DADT, but a true medical discharge.
Civilian life, with sex -- got no easier. I truly had a interest in DS, but that fell thru when I got desperate to mess PT, a white girl. I never really like white women, yet the money she made was enticing enough to get me on board, I had homecooked meals, outfits to the T, and everything else I wanted without working. Little did I know, that conjoining my life with someone I was using would result in me being used myself. I went on this way for a year, finally screeching my wheels and ending it all. Once, agreements, financial, went thru the floor.
Yet, and still women always find away until a way into my life, promising to cater to my needs, seducing me with promises, and leaving me high and dry. C, this is for you.
AA, you tried, but you were far too young and naive. So, was I.
ET, nah, not the alien, an actual girl -- I truly thought you were more than just a fun romp in the sack, boy did I get fooled, but thanks to you, I enjoyed my first orgasm. You still rock for that!
I stopped dating completely in 2008, no official interests, single for an entire year, until I found one woman that changed it all. KC, you know who you are, we've grown very much apart this year, we both -- know why it's over, there's nothing I can write viscous about you. We had our beef, but you're truly happy -- and deserve it.
Again, I stopped dating completely, I've messed around with dozens of girls, whether physically and thru the good ol' internet. Honestly, if I've never met you save, for 1. you really didn't mean that much, we were both just bored.
Between KC, and KM, I met BW, didn't think I was your type, still don't. You're a gorgeous girl, with amazing features, great conversation, and a wonderful kisser, my neck still misses you. But, besides that -- I can't say anything bad about you, we grew apart as I thought I was growing with someone.
KM, we used each other. You may have been genuinely into me, but everything about you now convinces me otherwise. Karma's a bitch, just like it was for me.
I now know my days of using women are over, I use women the way drug addicts use coke, to ignore my true thoughts and feelings, assignments and tasks, insecurities and self esteem - by dominating yours.
However, I got bested at my own game, when I thought that I only fell for two women in my entire lifetime, both are doing their own thing. While I should have been preserving mine.
My charm have gotten me women that I have bedded within hours of meeting. Not bragging at all, looking thru the chapters of my life, and the bookmarks otherwise known as women that have been spawn throughout, I truly notice a vicious cycle that I undertook thinking I was a Rico Sauve type, when I was more of insecure type, thinking the women I attracted and sexed were reflections of my game, when they were the reflections of the insanity that I surrounded myself with.
Each of the women listed are insecure like me. Hurt like me. Wanting to snap her bra, and snatch off her draws, rather than make a real connection. I've wanted a real connection all of my life. However, I think that intimacy will keep them around -- when in fact... it made you all flee.
It's for the better, to teach me a lesson. That the right moment is worth the wait, the right opportunity is worth earning, patience is a virtue, no matter how great the desire.
All 15+ of you enforced a pivotal lesson. I'm patiently waiting the right one, and not the one that's just gonna be here right now.
Forgive the cliche, but that's just real. I regret sleeping with so many women, engaging them in fruitless relationships; but I knew I'm not the only one that has this problem in the LGBT community just the first to admit it.
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